im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
