Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
