she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
