I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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