shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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