So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You were trust falling into bushes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
