I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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