4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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