Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
