he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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