remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
