Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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