we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
