u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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