There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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