Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've blown a few things in my day
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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