if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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