You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
