So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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