i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
