Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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