My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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