you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
