We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
