I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
