Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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