see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
