Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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