ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
