I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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