You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
