if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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