why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
