KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
