just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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