the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
