Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize