I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
