The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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