i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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