I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
