Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
