Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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