I seem to have left my pride at pride
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
