did you get engaged???
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
