Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my being single is dangerous.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
