Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
