I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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