Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
