i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize