booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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