I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Never joke about your clitoris.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
