There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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