Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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