i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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