i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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